This short film explores the experience of living with and continuously recovering from disordered eating. The work holds conflicting themes: neutrality, acceptance, surrender, and their counterparts of shame, self-hatred, and harm. Secret voice recordings expose an elusive self at odds with its own source, shrinking desperately from a world it actively creates. Rituals of performance, abjection, and objectification take place in the woods and waters of Charlottesville, VA. While body and landscape carry each other through brutal textures and winter temperatures, a form of eco-spiritual survival is conjured.